Believing in The product of you.

My wife is a great source of information and inspiration and I value her input into my spiritual considerations at the highest level.Mrs P doesn’t like or seek the attention that some people do. She considers things carefully and will often offer nuggets of wisdom at the time when they are needed. They are delivered in a forthright and honest manner. Recently she has said a couple of things that have really struck a chord. Number one was valuing yourself and your time at the highest level and number two one or two issues over the years that have been a battle for me may not in fact need any more tinkering with, they are because they just are. It got me thinking about self worth and perspective. If you don’t value yourself, who will?. Despite one’s best efforts at times somethings aren’t resolvable so a stage of acceptance is needed and once successfully completed this can then lead to closure and then progress can be made.

I often talk about mind management because personally things I have over analysed over the years have been as a result of considering what others may think about me. It is like writing a play that involves others but you play all the roles, plus produce and direct it. This means there is no room for others input as this is all being constructed in your own mind. If we accept this as the case then we can realise we can effectively change the outcome of our thought processes. Also if we realise that often other people haven’t even noticed what is going on with us as they are too busy with their own stuff. I always find a way to challenge the monkey chatter in my mind when it throws up these scenarios. I ask for evidence and usually there isn’t any. If there is, I can structure a response to change the outcomes. 

In the past I have had my battles with lack of confidence and also wars with low mood and mood swings. I have learned to recognise triggers and also found closure by accepting that this isn’t all negative as it is part of me and my eclectic personality. My moods really help at times with my creativity. What was once seen as a defence mechanism or a mask to hide behind is now recognised as part of me that I want to embrace. It is in essence my product of me, who I am and what I present to the outside world. I am by nature a stubborn person with a lot of willpower and in my mind this makes it hard for me to be defeated. That determined streak always get’s up, shows up and at times shouts get up, this allows me to move forward and get on with things.When I talk, advise, guide it is always from a personal standpoint. In my mind there is no mental battle that you can’t overcome if you believe in your own personal power and the product of you.

As I mentioned earlier the product of you is quite simply who you are, what makes you you and the way you appear as you present yourself to others.I always look for examples to illustrate my points so I would like you to imagine you are going for a job interview. For most people this would involve researching the job you are going for , preparing yourself mentally for any questions that might head your way. Ultimately you have a short window of opportunity to present your best qualities to a potential employer  who will then decide if you are a right fit for the position based on your presentation and how you sell yourself. You are the product that you are selling, speak clearly passionately and highlight your better qualities. You are then more than likely to impress the judges.  Consider the flip side, mumble, look around absentmindedly, don’t demonstrate or don’t show any personal pride. You can make a decision easy for the employer to make, thanks but no thanks. 

Life isn’t easy so a good first impression is important as it is how you will be remembered. Something to consider is there is no such thing as perfection. You do the best that you can do with the information and the skill set that you have at any one time. No matter how much people advise, guide or mentor it is your personal responsibility to decide how you interpret this information. I repeat your progress is down to you. Only you can make that decision when your personal circumstances have reached a point where they are no longer tolerable. If what we are doing is no longer working then we need to change what we are  doing. When you construct a reason/excuse for not doing something the subconscious mind accepts this as fact and you don’t progress and you have made this so.    

When you present yourself to others you are inviting very many different energies to interact with you.Start to notice what is the norm, what do you attract towards you. Realise some people will value you and others won’t. How you react to the stimuli going on around you will aid or hinder you as you negotiate life’s pathways. People like people who are like themselves. As you send out your thoughts and energies the universe reflects back. Do not accept lower valuations of the self. Another consideration for me as I observe people is when some put themselves up as a guide or mentor/coach and then adopt a do as I say not as I do approach. People will soon lose faith if you adopt that mentality. Be you and be proud to be so.

Commitment to oneself is another big consideration. Committing wholly to yourself time and energy wise is a lot of work, know that you are capable of doing this.Realise also that major change takes time and dedication, very rarely are there overnight successes. Trust in yourself. How you act and how you present yourself to others will need regular evaluation and maintenance. Simply put check in on yourself and evaluate your progress based on the evidence presented to you. Always believe in your own personal power because if you don’t, how can you expect anybody else to have that faith in you. If you accept failure or frequently use the word trying (expecting a shortcoming) as the norm then how can you expect the universe to respond in a positive way.

Like the rest of the world I am experiencing the impact of rising prices. The further afield I travel the more I notice that more people want me to travel to their area as the work that I do is having a positive impact on people. This is what I love doing but like with everything this costs time and money and as a business you cannot survive on good wishes and kind comments alone. Recently I have raised some of my prices to accommodate the extra distance travelled. It has not been an easy decision. My biggest lesson from this has been to value yourself , do not try and decide what a client can and cannot afford as recently my interpretation and perspective of this has been way off the mark. Clients will vote with their feet anyway. Price isn’t always a consideration, my guidance is to go towards the product or person that suits your personal needs. I will always consider others positions which is why I offer different reading options but it will no longer be the deciding factor. When you realise that people don’t pay you for your skill they pay you for your time and this time cannot be bought back you should reach a moment of realisation. If you can get what you need at a fraction of the cost then go there,cheaper doesn’t always equate to better. From the bottom of my heart what I want is for people to be able to negotiate their pathways in life and be happy. If I can be that conduit for change then I am grateful if I can’t then there will be others that can.

In closing I am very grateful for all the support, kind comments and the recognition of the work that I do. I will always remain humble but will no longer justify myself to anybody, this is my life, my product of me and I sincerely believe it is my life’s purpose to help guide others. My thoughts are just my thoughts and I always desire to inspire. I leave you with my tagline “I am what I am, I do what I do, I am just me”. 

Bright blessings the waistcoatman. 


New World Order.

The theme for this musing is restructuring life, bringing in the new, and throwing out the old. It also touches on how to utilise downtime effectively. Influences for this piece are two hobbies. Wrestling and stand up comedy: How will I make an article from the two unlikely bedfellows? Prepare yourself for some eclectic thinking; I’ll take you on a journey.

‘The New World Order Organisation’ or NWO Group were a collection of wrestlers that came together because wrestling bosses were serving up a dull, mediocre product. Full of old ideas: rehashed and re-presented as new and innovative. ‘The New World Order’ came into being to challenge a wrestling world dominated by one company. ‘The New World Order’ came in with an attitude, a fresh approach and changed the wrestling landscape for two or three years.

Ian and I enjoy interesting discussions. We spoke of a method of taking a word and throwing it out into the universe: then sense whatever vibration or energy comes back from meditation. Then give it an airing and either write or record words about mediation arisings. Using this way of working has influenced my writing style. Spirit woke me one morning and gave me the words ‘New World Order’. I was a little bit puzzled: although I trust this working style, so this article was written!

Another long term hobby is studying and observing stand up comedy. It has fascinated me how people can take a word or an occurrence and weave it into a humorous tale. One man who, for me, epitomised this was Bob Monkhouse. He brilliantly took a few words and turned them into a monologue: thrilling audiences with his storytelling: he made relevant points for consideration. His style of working is also an influence in this piece.

Bob and I have something in common. Our writing and thinking are flexible. I mention this because rigidity will not allow compromise or help in making changes or alterations. Blinkered thinking without an ability to compromise will inevitably lead you down a narrow corridor with little room for manoeuvre.

What does The New World Order mean? Well, let’s look further. The key to any journey is preparation before a single footstep is taken. To make life changes, you should be willing to put yourself centre stage and scrutinise your thoughts, deeds and actions. If you can be flexible with your mindset, you can start the journey. I’m prompting you to analyse thought patterns and notice if your attitude changes after self-contemplation. Be honest with yourself, take responsibility and decide to implement Change when needed.

How can we bring a New World Order and make it relevant in our environment? As already noted, look at your patterns. Are you like wrestling before the NWO brand? Are you turning out a tried and tested product because that is what you have always done? Is there a monotonous quality about it?  Do you know or feel something is missing, but fear or familiarity stops you from making changes? 

Do you start with lots of energy and enthusiasm for projects: which soon become without enthusiasm?  How do you know when it is time to make changes? The key to this is learning to recognise energy levels: how much life force you have: how much enthusiasm for completing the daily tasks of life?

The NWO Organisation recognised the old product was stale and needed refreshing. It required innovation and new ways of thinking about something performed thousands of times before. NWO Organisation decided that changes needed making and came in with the attitude of ride with us or didn’t either way change is coming

Now to come to the crux! Let’s start the journey. Let’s create an action plan and flow chart simple in construction and a good reference point. Start by asking basic questions, consider your life experiences: and the environment. Do not judge yourself harshly during one’s observations. Ask if you’re happy with life and if the answer is: ‘Yes’, then there is no need to change. Carry on doing what you are doing and make minor tweaks when necessary. If the answer is ‘No’, consider: What is your truth? How would you define true happiness? And how would you know if you were indeed surrounded by happiness? Objective thinking is needed! Because if we can identify what ‘happiness’ is, we can start putting in the foundations of a pathway to change. I think you have to want to change the landscape before it can be adapted.

Look carefully at your environment: is it conducive to bringing out the best in you? If ‘Yes’ answers, then you are doing a good job. If ‘No’, then changes are required. Remember, at the beginning of the Change, we will encounter hurdles or even complete stop roadblocks. A furtive mind conjure’s up to all sorts of reasons (excuses) why an NWO cannot be achieved: For example, lack of money, no confidence, the ‘other people won’t like it’ syndrome. One big excuse is: ‘I don’t have the time’ – I’m too busy’ And I’ll counter ‘You want me to believe you are willing to prioritise time focussed on the things you don’t want in your life?’ and ‘You prefer wasteful activity rather than use beneficial effort into building a new life?’ The answer is for you to choose! If your choice is to stagnate and waste your time and effort. Let’s assume you are not happy to progress and advance your life, and the article ends here. 

To my mind, the status quo needs challenging, and It is essential to think long and hard about yourself. If the thought is toward making a positive and beneficial change: how do we make them work? A journey of reflection is essential. Without understanding how you live, you will never know why you live in your way. And unless there is an acceptance, not of your assets, but your failings, the way to change cannot happen.

Let’s recap: there is a need for Change. The energy to complete the task is there, as is the willingness to challenge the status quo. For a time, the condition is to work to eradicate feelings of inadequacies and lack of confidence. Think carefully that the new way of life (the New World Order) will take time to achieve, and your positive changes may not be consciously recognised. But stay positive and work with care in the future. Focus on EVERY positive aspect of your life. 

Allow the ability to reflect on failure and setbacks as positive. Then a hurdle is encountered say ‘I am fuelling Change: I am putting down the foundations for new pathways to happiness. I have identified where I want to be and where I want to go, and there needs to be no specific timeline to when my NWO will become manifest’. You’ll not beat the adages: ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day and ‘Forward is forward no matter how small the steps, and you WILL gain momentum.

Realise situations and life events sometimes have a habit of throwing you a curveball. This is when the flexibility of mindset is needed most. Don’t get locked into turning out a stale product if it doesn’t reflect the true self adequately. Think clearly about what is suitable for you. Speak your truth by writing your action plan. Take corrective action to achieve the desired results. Engrave this truth the walls of the soul: ‘Change is possible when I believe in myself, my objectives, my desires, my life.

Some of you will take solace from the ideas. Others will disagree. A majority of sceptics will reel out ‘Easier said than done Rick’ To all of you, I ask: ‘What role are you playing in the costume you have made from your deeds and thoughts?’ Your eyes are reading these words NOW, and your body will live this life just once. Sure, there may be some hasty re-writes of the play of life scenes. There will be many alternative routes to travel, and even those will encounter detours (life can be very twisted). But consider the accepted truth: Life is a many act play, and the curtains fall only once. There will be NO Encore.

Humankind will always show true colours or what they are made of during difficult times. Issues and ‘full stops’ will need to be encountered. However, we’ll discover positives in even the smallest of problems if we look. Although one has to train the mind to see the positive, seeing the negative is easy and damages the potential to succeed. Don’t wait until you’re isolated or locked in before making positive changes. Begin today! You’ve earned the opportunity to change just by standing on the stage of life.

Be sure you are good enough for any situation. Put yourself at the forefront of your desires visualise how your New World Order should look. Remind the doubter’s changes are here, and they can ride alongside or get out of the way! Enjoy the journey and plan wisely. Your New world is on the horizon.

Bright blessings Rick Paul.

A few thoughts.

I recognise the huge shifts of energy that are going on around me. I recognise a world in turmoil. Hosts of varying, different opinions as to how what and why. My head, my heart doesn’t align itself with any particular standpoint. My head realises that key to progression is to rise above all of the fighting. The sadness I feel currently is nothing to do with personal events, it is largely due to an empathic nature.

I grieve the loss of common sense in the world. It hurts that there are many different sides in a war and this is a situation that we find ourselves in at the moment. There will be casualties on all sides be it mentally ,physically, spiritually or financially. People will be left behind as it seems there is a sense of survival of the fittest mentality. I consider these thoughts carefully.

My mood lightens as I write or talk to people because there is always hope, my strong belief is that light will always prevail over dark. There will always be springtime moments, where newness is welcomed and we notice shoots of recovery. As with everything there is balance and the darker winter moments of our lives are a reality but consider this things need to die back in order to grow and be resurrected.

The sadness I felt yesterday wasn’t mine to own it was my empathic nature coming to the fore. I had to disassociate from the feelings. Moods ebb and flow like the oceans currents. I know that eventually we will all ascend this current situation and life will continue and we will evolve and make any necessary adjustments.

I realise my words my thoughts my spirituality is a gift that is meant to be shared to a wider audience. I will continue to send out messages of hope and healing energies. My audience may not be huge but if my words reach that one person today who needs to hear that there are people out there who thrive from eclectic thoughts and that you are not on your own then I am very grateful.

Free yourself from these self limiting beliefs, check in with yourself and your inner being regularly. Always live as your one true self and do it for you, do not live your life for anybody else. Change is always possible if we accept what has happened to us put a full stop next to it,then move forward. Some questions my friends do not have answers that are satisfactory and we can waste valuable hours seeking them ultimately knowing we are not going to get that satisfaction. Full stop- acceptance of that which cannot be changed or influenced and then move forward.

In closing today focus on the journey rather than the destination and be the one true you. As usual just my thoughts. Enjoy your day and shine like the stars you are. #desiretoinspire

Breeze blocks.

The inspiration for this article came from recent events, a pile of breeze blocks and a programme that I was watching that involved Bruce Lipton’s take on thoughts and manifestation of those thoughts.

Bruce said, “Cells are a data chip. Our memories are stored in the cell membrane and are constantly transmitted to the brain for interpretation. The mind then responds by creating coherence between belief and reality and coordinates your cells to respond to this information.”
This got me thinking about how does any of this relate to my current circumstances.

I have had an exciting couple of weeks presenting me with the opportunity to explore all aspects of my personality. There has been a well-being market. Many clients deliver on different media formats, driving lots of miles and labouring on a couple of practical projects. This is all being mentioned to provide the context of what it is like in any given week. I go from the high of presenting and being the medium to the lower feelings of the mundane to Friday job, which is necessary to provide an income.

To successfully manage all these tasks requires what I call mind management. It is a skill that requires constant development. It helps you convince your mind that doing an incredibly dull and mundane task is actually worthwhile. To help with this, I recommend using your imagination to find any positivity whatsoever. Look for anything that brings in a feel-good factor. I have a very low boredom tolerance, and when I get bored, I tend to lose focus very quickly. I need to realise when this is happening because, as with most things in our adult life  we have obligations to take care of.

I had a job to do recently. The instruction was quite simply to move as many blocks as I could from one place to another. Let us split the job down to its barest form. It was a tedious and mundane job with little or no personal fulfilment, but quite simply the job needed doing. Mind management was required here. Humans have limited amounts of life hours on this mortal coil, so every thought, deed and action uses those life hours, and they can never be replaced or earned back. I needed to convince my mind that the task was worthwhile in some form or another. The only way I could achieve this was to find my feel-good. For me, that represented the opportunity to earn a day’s wages and the personal pride of getting the job done. This still, however, left me with the “boring” aspect of it to contend with. Boredom can be defined as an ineffectual way of managing your time. This means that boredom is a thought, and the feelings attached to the ideas weren’t pleasant. It came down to this: I either needed to think differently or distract the mind, so I didn’t know the thoughts and experienced the negative feelings.

Strategy decided upon: I started by counting the bricks in the pack while loading up the barrow. There were ninety-six blocks per pack, six blocks per barrow; this equated to sixteen trips with a barrow going from the front driveway to the back garden. This would entail a considerable amount of physical effort and also handling the blocks twice. I needed my distraction, so I imagined myself as a metronome. I would keep up the same methodical pace. I would load up 6 blocks out front and transport them to the back and unload them. I kept up this consistency, only stopping for the odd drink and my lunch break. At the end of the shift, I had successfully moved over three hundred and fifty blocks using a repetitive process. I had achieved what I had set out to do. Let’s review the process: Success is the objective. How do we accomplish that? Think the thought, apply the action, consider the obstacles and proceed. At the end of the process, evaluate the results and see if alterations might be needed in the future.

The part of me that doesn’t like routine needed placating during the process itself, so I needed to distract it. I began to consider other things. Moving the blocks requires physical effort, and the more energy you exert, the more your energy levels deplete. Hence, it is prudent to think about how you invest that power and the results you are getting from it. Using my vibrant imagination, I imagined the blocks I was moving as a thought. The thought would be pretty heavy and would need handling in a certain way to preserve my energy levels. I would, therefore, quickly have to make a decision on how to take that thought. Would I apply an action to the idea and move it on, or would I put it down? If I do something successfully and then act upon it, this would be worthwhile storing the procedure in my subconscious mind because I could use it again. Something worthy of note is that the subconscious mind will hold any and all information as fact; it does not distinguish between fact or fiction. It just takes everything at face value. This means it will also store unsuccessful outcomes if that is the information you present to it.

You become what you think, so mind management is crucial. Learn when sending yourself duff information. Looking at it this way, I think a thought in my conscious mind that I am rubbish, lacking confidence, or other negative emotion. The reason will consider this information and help me create an environment to match my thoughts and focus on the most. Back to the blocks, I pick up my block and hold onto it, it is heavy, and I drop it. I pick it up again and then place it onto the ground in its correct place. I ask myself, is this a successful action, or do I focus on dropping the block before completing the task. I remind myself again of what the subconscious does. It records data at face value.

Let us take a recurring and repetitive thought, I am not good enough, I won’t achieve, I don’t know why I bother etc. I would ask whether this is true or is it just a thought based on no evidence. If this was me as the conscious thinker, I would be saying to the view show me the evidence or bugger off. If I use this way of thinking, can you show me how I will succeed using this information? The answer is it can’t. I now don’t need to exert any effort thinking that thought as it leads nowhere constructive, meaning I can leave that block where it is.
I would remind myself that I only want a thought process present that contributes to a successful outcome. I want to be sure that it ends up in the right place from lifting my heavy block. However, I have managed it. The focus is on the end result. I can adjust the process to allow for dropping the block, but as long as it ends up where it is needed, no over evaluation is required. I can then happily instruct the subconscious mind to record the completion of the task. I can then use that record in the future, and the same results will happen time and again if I follow the procedure.

In closing, every action and thought requires effort. Every effort we exert has an effect on ourselves. This can either be positive or negative. Look carefully at the results you gain from your thoughts and actions. Don’t buy into the idea you are fated with. To do this or that or that or this is all I know. If you do that, you accept the thought. The result will be recorded and repeated until YOU recognise the pattern and make the necessary changes.

Before signing off: ask, have I moved this block before? Did it go well and contribute to something productive, or did I just use a lot of effort and get nowhere near the desired destination.

How many blocks have you moved today? As with all my work, just my thoughts.

Much love, The Waistcoat Man.


Just a few thoughts this morning perfection is often sought by the many and achieved by the few. I am a mechanical thought stripper as I like to get thoughts down to their rawest form. Why do I seek perfection and then when it doesn’t materialise every time I feel disappointed.

Let’s examine why perfection or the high standard that I want to achieve is a perception of my own reality. I want everything to be 100% but the evidence has been consistently over the years that is impossible for me personally to achieve a consistency of 100 % .I can put 100% effort in but not achieve full marks in some task. What is a good result for one may not be a good result for another.

Look at your own individual thought patterns, is good enough truly good enough or are you on that on unrealistic path of seeking perfection. To your own self be true, look at your ways of approaching things consistency of application will bring in a set of results, if the results aren’t what you want look at the method of application and adjust them to suit your level of expectation. You are after all looking for a better feeling from your efforts so pick your ingredients for this process carefully.

What has inspired these thoughts is a recent assignment where I got 97% in something, that is 3% off perfection so I felt the need to check why I hadn’t achieved it. Careful analysis showed that 1 mark had been dropped as an oversight and I hadn’t fully understood the question the other couple of marks dropped were not quite finding the information I wanted to articulate my thoughts. Did it affect my overall pride in achieving a distinction in this unit, did it heck.

You see one of my flaws has always been I struggle with compliments and have readily accepted criticism. This is ok when you are getting the results from your thoughts that suit your inner narrative. However when your thoughts and actions don’t achieve the the results you desire the need for change becomes apparent.

What I have learnt over the years is the way you manage your mind is down to you and you alone. You will always react to the stimulus that is going on around you and that will form the basis of your thoughts. Tell yourself something, act on it and it becomes real. Ask yourself what are you telling yourself that you can or cannot do because it becomes true and you then write a programme to make it real.

My thought process used to be if I accept compliments it is a long way to fall when I inevitably don’t achieve perfection 100 % of the time. An insult or a perceived failure was used in a different way because if I got something wrong I could learn from it and apply it next time, I could only rise up from a loss. These days I have a slightly different perception let insults and compliments occupy the same amount of time in your head brief. Move on regardless and live in the now moment as life is ever changing. Don’t seek something that evidence shows that you are unlikely to achieve don’t use your precious life’s hours focussing on things you did wrong or that you lack. Equally don’t seek validation or permission from others to live your own true life. Own everything about yourself take personal responsibility for everything that you do. Your life you own it.

In my eclectic mind there are boxes containing nuggets of information that are waiting for a way of them being brought to a light. Every now and again my mind will wander off task and I will revert to an old way of doing something I will then achieve an old result. What I want to assure that it is ok to have off days, just remember to check in with yourself regularly, what once seemed like fun has it become a chore, are you still on target and fully focussed on your goals and aspirations or have you gone off wandering. My final thoughts for today are, perfection can be achieved in your own world if you accept that it doesn’t always have to have that magical figure of 100. 97/100 is perfect for me because it was realistically achievable because I did it.

What is your perfect score?

Found this little prayer and it resonated with me:Make me wise so that I may understand the things I have been taught. I seek strength not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy- myself. Have a peaceful day.

Reflection of you.

It’s been a while since I jotted down my thoughts, and a lot has happened in the meantime. One thing that hasn’t changed is my observational style of writing and looking for guidance from my everyday occurrences. Inspiration for the article is from two songs. Onne rollercoaster by Ronan Keating, and two, which does surprise me a little as I am not a fan of his, is my way by Frank Sinatra.

The song rollercoaster gives the lyrics: “Life is a rollercoaster you just gotta ride it”. Well, my friend’s recent events in my life have proven these lyrics to be very accurate. I have really ridden the emotional rollercoaster over the last few months. Spectacular highs and a few unfortunate moments that we all face at some point. Let’s remember this, positive first, then the not so great moments. The highs have been incredible. I can now proudly say I am a published author. I finished my book titled “Graceful thoughts” I had a fantastic show at the recent well-being market in Newark. I made new friends and experienced spiritual connections on a level I previously hadn’t. The togetherness was brought about with people who had a like-minded approach to other people’s well being. Despite the restriction, it was a success and a magical experience that won’t be easily forgotten. 

Life can be a great leveller as it tends to move very quickly between highs and lows as we wend our way along life’s pathways. I had the crushing loss of my father in law to contend with. He passed away peacefully after a long illness. Even in those dark moments, though, I took solace in the happier times we had spent together and feel eternally grateful for all that he has taught me about life. I also took a few bumps in feedback from people about my work. 

Life makes me chuckle at times. I’ll comment why: tarot reading, mediumship is not an exact science. It is the perception that makes a reading either good or bad. To all the learners out there, don’t beat yourself up about the odd negative comment. Life is fantastic in its contrasts and these difficult times inspire me to write. Notice what I did there I turned potential negativity into a positive outcome.

An essential aspect for me when writing anything uplifting or potentially inspiring is that people come out of a dark place. Therefore one has to be honest and frank. Life can sometimes be tricky as we have to face the harsh realities of it daily. However, the important thing is the way we respond: do we face it or do we run and hide. Do we label ourselves depressed or in a low mood, or could it simply be that we are in a disillusioned state of mind? I asked my spiritual team for further guidance and was given the word malaise. Not being familiar with this word, I turned to the dictionary “A general feeling of discomfort, illness, restlessness or unease whose exact cause is difficult to identify”. Now I really had something to get my head around, in a low mood without any objective evidence of why.

The therapist in me likes to devise strategies, and one that I have developed for thoughts is to give them form. I can then place them in the palm of my hand and see what they are composed of, and if there is a problem, I can deconstruct it.

Your biggest ally is the person who looks back at you in the mirror, and they should always be the first port of call for information regarding you. They have experienced the highs and lows that you have. Ask a question of them and expect to get an honest answer. I slow my breathing down and clear my mind. A picture starts to form. I imagine myself talking to a client. Understanding the reference straight away. And, healing begins from this moment of clarity.

When I work with clients who have experienced feelings of low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Or possibly a lack of self-awareness or even just feelings of inadequacy, I ask them to take my quiz. Nobody to date has said no. Even though there might be initial reluctance, I assure them they will all pass it because I will make sure it happens. Hundreds of people have now taken my quiz and realise what an excellent therapeutic tool it is. The examination consists of three questions, are you ready to take it yourself? Well, here goes.

Question one: I want you to think very broadly, out into the universe and the world at large. Is there anybody that is exactly like you? The answer is no: we are individual. Therefore, the conclusion reached is that we are all unique. Question one is correctly answered.

Question two: Would you agree or disagree that we have skills and talents that get us through any given day?

The answer is simply: Yes!

Despite some initial protests, the only acceptable answer is yes, as you have so many skills used every day that are not even considered. They just happen! 

Let’s recap, somebody who has initially presented as, let’s say, lacking confidence has admitted to a stranger that they are (A) unique and (B) talented and skilled. Both answers are evidence-based and using the client’s own words. Well done, that is question two successfully answered.

Question three will tie it all together. Trust me when I say we are heading to an epiphany moment. Consider this for a while. I have nothing to compare myself to. I am a one-off. I can’t put a value on myself because there isn’t anything like me for comparison. Logically the conclusion that must be drawn that I, as a person, am priceless. The answer is correct and well done. You have passed the test with flying colours. All solutions are based on evidence using the client’s words and thoughts.

The epiphany moment is now upon us: put all three answers together. I am the client. In this case, my solutions are unique, talented and priceless. If a client has answered, there may be some confusion still, so I add a little dialogue and showbiz. “I reach down into my bag of imaginary props and pull out a collapsible mirror and then say repeat your answers to that reflection of you in the mirror. I have to say the effect on the client is usually brilliant to observe as the penny drops, you are talking to yourself. You are as good or as confident as YOU allow yourself to be. Tell yourself things that don’t reflect the true you, and you will embody that negative mindset. I now realise answers are staring us in the face: at all times!

The reality is life is complex, and we will make mistakes because we are human. Personally, I take responsibility for all of my parts and embrace them all, even the flaws. In my own unique way, I have the skills and the talents to find solutions to problems, and because of this, I am priceless. Believe me when I say the irony is not lost on me. My conclusion is the average person will easily find fault with themselves. The more considerable skill is selling yourself to the person in the mirror that you are a good person. You can make a difference in your life because you have the skillset. When we can do this, we have reached a destination of acceptance. We can learn from this acceptance: nobody is perfect, face any insecurities head-on and be honest about it, no excuses. Be proud to be you. You are all amazing.

 I will leave the last words to Frank Sinatra’s words from his song ‘My Way”

                           “If not himself, then he has nought

                             To say the things he truly feels 

                           And not the words of one who kneels

                          The record shows, I took the blows

                                And did it my way”.

Keep shining: much love:
The waistcoat man.

Love Yourself First.

I wrote a post this morning on facebook it simply said on valentines day send a wish to the person who is with you constantly and if you are not sure who that is look in the mirror. One of the comments received said that they had confidence problems and that they thought they were rubbish at everything they did. Probably without realising it by airing a problem they had opened themselves up to a solution.

The mind is a very complex thing and needs both structure and guidance as well as an element of freedom to allow oneself the chance to create and use that wonderful imagination that we have been gifted with. The conscious mind deals with the structure and follows instructions, the unconscious mind deals with the imagination and creativity side of things. The problem with the unconscious mind is that it doesn’t concern itself with fact or fiction it is the diva that thrives on the attention. The problem that occurs is that the unconscious mind is where we store the instruction manual for our existence, policy and procedures are laid out for us to follow if we so wish. The unconscious mind doesn’t question it just believes what it is told so quite simply put it believes anything that it is told.

You are made of up of the conscious and unconscious mind and if you tell yourself you are not confident you won’t be, if you tell yourself you aren’t good enough etc that is what you become not good enough. The procedure is then laid down if not challenged and the mind just follows that instruction.

How do you change that, well by realising that you can change the thought and rewire the brain. Change the way you speak to yourself, relay different instructions to the unconscious mind. Tell yourself you expect better, seek out people who can help you, talk to people of a like mind and notice how your energy feels around people who think like you and want to help lift your spirits.

How does that feel to have that support and upliftment around you pretty good I would assume. Now if I told you that upliftment and a better feeling can be around you all the time many might argue but what if I am right ? What if you started to tell yourself a different story, that you are confident, you are good enough. What if you started to believe a different version of a long recited story. You can change the ending yes you, you have that power within. Don’t believe me then just look in the mirror and tell the person looking back, do you know what thank you, you have always been there. I know you always have my back. I don’t always have all the answers but I want to bring in that change. Self respect self confidence and self love comes from within. Be that change you want to make in your life.

Go on do something new, yes you are worth it , look in that mirror and say to your life’s partner reflection I love you. I always think like the old saying goes “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Good luck on your journey and happy valentines day.